My family, like many has been in stay at home for a while now. To the point where we are hearing about opening things up again – for the economy!™ Trust me. We want to get back out there. We want to mingle. We want to go to a restaurant. We want to go to a park and see our friends.

We have a 3 year old who for the first time is understanding a birthday party. And we want to give him it. But it’s in June.

We have camps contacting us about how we feel about whether we feel comfortable sending our child. We have the Y asking how we feel about starting up classes soon.

And my gut answer today is no. It is, I am sorry, no. I don’t feel comfortable going back to these things yet, no matter how much I want to. Not even for the economy! ™

Here is why. See. I know I am not the only person here. I know I am not the only person with kids and with parents. I want my kids to see my parents. They dearly miss their grandma who is close and those who are far. I want them to safely see each other. And we can’t. We can’t do that in May. We can’t do that in June if the kids are in the camps that they really want to reopen – because nothing has changed.

Yes. Those who are dying may get to a hospital, but the rules and ways for that to happen are too slim to risk my mother for that.

Listen, I trust my governor. He speaks with honesty and more honesty and I believe when he says he’s working for the best and if what’s happening isn’t for the best, they will work to change it.

I trust my mayor. He and the town are doing all they can to help everyone out.

I trust my doctor. She is who I will go to when I need to ask questions.

But this is where the trust stops – and I need more trust than that. I need trust that If my doctor says – hey, you or your family need a test – that my family will get it. No questions asked.

And you know what? I don’t trust my health insurer or the federal government to provide that unless we are damn sure to become a statistic. The government meant to protect us all wants nothing to do with us. They don’t want to help. Nothing new has come out to help people when we do open up. No guaranteed help for those who need it. No help to detect and prevent in all the time we have been asked to stay inside. Only blame.

The only reason my health care provider is providing testing is because it was mandated. Until the day it was noted they would be paid back, it was considered part of our deductible, and to this day, we need to get our sick body to a CDC approved testing site. And, while I am in the midwest, I am in a major metro area where there isn’t one.

So, my doc can try to help our family. My local government is trying to keep us safe, but until the insurers want to help and the feds are more worried about keeping people healthy and alive than how they are looking, I can’t open up and go back to trotting around.

I don’t want my kids to make my mom sick. I don’t want to make my mom sick.

I know there will be tests. There will be things we can do to keep everyone safe. Until that comes about… Until it’s available to all… I don’t know how to properly move forward.

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